May 30, 2007

Pirates 3

Went to see Pirates 3, after the cliffhanger Pirates 2, one had to.

Going to see Pirates 3 is just reinforcing my hatred of going to the movies. They're overpriced, and the clientel is ridiculously rude. Oh, they'll turn off their ringers, but they'll light the theater up with their text messaging. To say nothing of the morons throwing food and shining laser pointers. I'm tempted to blame theater owners, but can they really be blamed for their clients' lack of manners? Just another reason to save up for that HD flat panel and surround sound system. Not to mention finding an upscaling HD-DVD Blu Ray combo DVD player, 'cause I'm not tossing my entire DVD library when I get my new screen.

If you keep reading, you'll get spoilers

Pirates wasn't the suckfest Spidey was, and it actually was a decent story, but it wasn't nearly as funny as the first two. And it actually ended on a sad note. Even with almost 3 hours, they still had alot to cover, and some stuff got short shriff. They wound up with a big ensemble cast and trying to give everyone a bit of screen time made it suffer.

The much hyped Keith Richards was only in it for like 5 minutes tops.

The swamp witch turns out to be the sea goddess Calypso trapped by the brotherhood of pirate lords in human form, and is also the woman Davy Jones gave his heart to. The reason he's part man part squid is because he broke his deal as guide to those lost at sea. Think ferryboatman from the river Styx. Calypso stood him up after he did his ten years of service on the Dutchman, so he decided for payback, telling the pirate lords how to trap her. After all the hype about freeing Calypso, she doesn't do much except turn into a giantess/tower of crabs and cause the whirlpool which sets the stage for the final battle between the Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman. After Jones' heart is destroyed, the storm abates, the Dutchman under new Capt. Turner jr. & the Pearl join forces to finish off the Endavor the East India Co's flagship. Calypso is the plot device that allows the crew to go save Sparrow. Apparently only the pirate lords can free Calypso. Both Sparrow and Barbosa "died" without passing on their pirate lordship. Meaning Calypso can't be freed as the pirate brotherhood is incomplete. So she brings back Barbosa, and leads the team to Sparrow to complete the brotherhood and gain her freedom.

It seems you're not truly a pirate unless you die and are resurrected. Calypso informs us that she raised the shot-by-Jack-Sparrow-Barbosa from the dead. The whole crew go to Davy Jones locker to save the Kraken-swallowed-whole-Jack Sparrow, and in the climatic battle with Davy Jones, a mortally wounded Will Turner's hand is around the sword remnent that finally stabs Jones' heart. The Dutchman's crew then cuts out Turner's heart, because the Dutchman needs a captain. Condemming Turner to command the Dutchman in perpetuity, guiding those lost at sea to the next world, only coming ashore once every ten years. Which sounds like a pretty awful punishment, as he was just married to Elizabeth by Barbosa minutes before. But at least he has his now barnacle free dad as first mate.

Elizabeth gets to watch the Dutchman sail off from a nice tropical beach. Meanwhile Barbosa steals the Pearl again, and Sparrow decides to find the fountain of youth. Ending the saga almost where it began, but leaving open the possibility for even more sequels.  

Aside from the theater gripes, I had a good time with the movie. Much better than Spidey 3.

Posted by: Iblis at 03:04 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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